Hi. I left New Zealand, stopped traveling (no, not exactly, there will still be a bit in Mama Amerika,) I am on my own (Joe and I are visiting family and friends separately,) and I finally feel like yes, I'm here, I can write, I can step back and start to reflect. I was looking forward to this, to America, to my family and friends, to comfort, to a little less uncertainty. I spent most of today hanging out with my youngest sister, Tina, which was an absolute blast. I'm in Fort Collins, in suburbia, but the location is really of no importance whatsoever, the point is I'm back with people who love me, whom I love. I was pretty homesick during large lapses of the past year in New Zealand, and seeing Joe's family pretty often made the longing for my own worse at times.
Sometimes, being in a relationship can increase your alienation and loneliness - an odd thing that I found to be true. When you're on an island in the Pacific Ocean where you know no one and are quite isolated from anyone you do know, and your partner on the other hand has family as well as almost immediate friends (enter le hockey team,) and you don't get to see him nearly as much as you thought you would, well it kinda sucks. Most of his friends were men's men who were not only uninterested in the amazing moi, (yeah, bit of an ego killer,) but as a result I found most of them completely uninteresting (most of the time,) as well. I don't speak hockey and now have some pretty bad associations with this language that dominates the world of certain folks. True, there were a few nice guys that I would have good conversations with, but a good bit of the time I was overwhelmed by the obnoxious, loud, insulting ones - made it very difficult for me to not associate an isolated, sick feeling with the whole lot of them. If I think about it honestly, I've exaggerated the amount of them that were actually dicks, but you know what they say about rotten apples. I am particularly unhappy(yes I'm gonna bitch and get this out there,) about a certain guy (Psychology BA help me now!) who got under my skin in the most horrid way by completely questioning who I was, my right to live, the point of my existence besides being his friend's girlfriend, etc. Yes, these are the sort of things the drunk bastard said to me, before I (yes!) kicked him out of the house, but unfortunately, though I was really hoping to avoid this, I did encounter the jerk again and I lost it...again. Couldn't help myself, wanted to pick on him for being so inhuman, insensitive, outrageous.... I had worked myself up, it's true, but I wasn't going to tolerate him ever again. Oh, shitty people who get under your skin and stay there like some nasty splinter you should have gotten rid of long ago. But you can't, you can't because he's not your friend, he's your partner's friend, and suddenly you have much less control over your environment.
Ok, now that I've spilled out some of the poison in my system, yeah there's some bitterness there, I admit it - it might be easier to write about the good stuff. Good stuff coming soon. Doing a poor job of battling jet lag, ah well. Hello to Harry Potter 7 and catching up with Gilmore Girls = good stuff. Leave comments, leave comments, leave comments...! :)
