It isn't just that I admire Sandra Cisneros. I need icons, idols, fantasies that feel palpable that somehow either relate to the space that I'm in or feel like the right life line. Hope is this funny thing made out of thoughts. Somehow it's easier to find an idol to worship, an earthly one. It can be a kind of muse or a hope vessel. I want to be able to imagine a life I can see myself living.
But Cisneros sounded like a happy loner...I mean when your family lives in the same city, getting your own apartment and living entirely by yourself can't be nearly as alienating. You can come home any time you want. Coming home for me has become a conundrum wrapped in heartache. What the hell does it even mean?!
The problem with falling in love and making a home and then breaking up is that the home gets unmade. So now I have to remake it somehow and the task is daunting.
Today I went to a life drawing session for the first time in years. I had been meaning to do this for a while, and I forgot how wonderful it can feel! I got a high from it and will be doing this more, there's something so joyful about capturing the beauty of the human body with a few quick lines and colors. And the quick gratification of the image that materializes before you is so rewarding. Also being able to interpret the light and the feeling however you want to, putting your own imaginative filter of the world onto paper, there's a visual language there unlike any other and reconnecting with this part of myself was thrilling.
Happy Jewish New Year to all who celebrate and birthday to me and new beginnings that may be rough and complex and smudgy but how else could we possibly muddle through?
But Cisneros sounded like a happy loner...I mean when your family lives in the same city, getting your own apartment and living entirely by yourself can't be nearly as alienating. You can come home any time you want. Coming home for me has become a conundrum wrapped in heartache. What the hell does it even mean?!
The problem with falling in love and making a home and then breaking up is that the home gets unmade. So now I have to remake it somehow and the task is daunting.
Happy Jewish New Year to all who celebrate and birthday to me and new beginnings that may be rough and complex and smudgy but how else could we possibly muddle through?
